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Post by onebluestocking on Jun 7, 2018 4:02:07 GMT
This sounds like my mom. If I was proud of a test grade she would ask, "well, what did Carol get?" (Carol was the top student in my class.)
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Post by queenzod on Jun 7, 2018 5:19:00 GMT
That attitude just creates anxiety and stress in your kids, and a tendency to correlate perfection with worthiness/loveability. Ticks me off.
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Post by mllemass on Jun 7, 2018 6:35:00 GMT
I agree! I may not have ever gotten praise from my parents about my school work, but I never got criticism, either. I never felt any pressure from outside myself, so I'm grateful for that! I would be the one bothered by 95% instead of 100%, not my parents. But it just made me set goals to do better, even if nobody cared about it but me!
The only pressure I would put on kids is to work hard even if they find something difficult, and even if they don't like what they're doing. I think it's an important life lesson to learn. They won't always have enjoyable tasks to complete, but those tasks still have to be done - and done well.
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Post by queenzod on Jun 7, 2018 6:43:28 GMT
My folks were only into “helpful” criticism. Never praise, for anything. It sucked.
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Post by ellie on Jun 7, 2018 9:58:34 GMT
Gosh. I think I was lucky. My parents never put any pressure on me. They were delighted when I did well in exams and my Mum (my Dad died just before my exam results) thrilled when I got into University. But they never put any pressure on me to do so.
I know that attitude and them pretty much letting me watch whatever I wanted on TV and have no fixed bedtime makes it sound like there was no discipline in my upbringing. But that is definitely not true. Both parents were sticklers for manners and ethics and “doing the right thing.” They were both left wing and very politically correct before that even became a phrase. They were also great challengers of opinion so dinnertime would often be a protracted debate on some issue we weren’t all quite in alignment on. 😀. Both were clever but grew up in Ireland at a time when “ordinary people” didn’t go to University. But they both worked hard to gret ss far as they could and they both ended up doing well in different branches of the Civil Service in the UK. My Dad had been a Teacher in Ireland before they married, emigrated and had me. But Irish Teaching qualifications were not recognised in the UK so he changed jobs.
They taught me never to feel inferior to anyone and never to make anyone feel inferior to me. I don’t think I’ve always been successful but I have tried to live up to that expectation.
They were also great fun!
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Post by roverpup on Jun 7, 2018 11:52:14 GMT
I don't want to give the impression that my parents weren't fun, they were wonderful parents. They were just products of a very harsh environment - both growing up in extreme poverty during the "Dirty Thirties". My mom especially came from a poor home where she had very poor nutrition and NO luxuries (like new clothes or books to read). For Christmas she would feel extremely lucky if she got an orange as her only present.
My parents were born from another time - my dad was born in 1917 (his own father died in a horse and buggy accident when he was quite young, and he, as the eldest son, was expected to become the head of the household after that).
Both of them had childhoods that were pretty rough.
This affects people. They did their best and always provided a stable home environment. But I loved my childhood! My parents took us trips (in the car) every weekend and I got my love of travel and my sense of curiosity (and thirst for knowledge) from both of them. They encouraged me to think for myself and never follow the crowd. They were very strict but entirely loving. And they adored each other. They have been dead a while now but I still think of how they would have been tickled to know how well my life has turned out!
:-))
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Post by ellie on Jun 7, 2018 12:44:37 GMT
Sorry RP, I didn’t mean to imply your parents weren’t fun. I just mentioned mine were because I thought what I’d said about them prior to that made them sound rather po faced & “worthy.”. Which would not have been a remotely fair impression of them.
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Post by mllemass on Jun 7, 2018 17:47:50 GMT
It's funny how we see our parents one way, but others view them differently. My parents were/are hard-working, strict and frugal with money. But if you ask my cousins, they'll tell you that my parents are easy-going, permissive, generous and fun - because compared to my aunts and uncles, they are!
A few years ago, one of my cousins told me that all our relatives thought of me and my sister as "princesses". They thought we had lots of money, got everything we wanted, never had to lift a finger at home, and were spoiled rotten - all of it untrue!
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